The top 5 mistakes people make when they write their birth plans (don’t let this be you!)

As an experienced birth doula & mum of two, here are the top 5 mistakes I personally see people (not my clients!) make when they write their birth plans/preferences:

1.The only focus is the ideal ‘blue sky’ scenario

Now don’t get me wrong, I LOVE it if you have an ideal birth preference in your head. This is a great starting point & something I would absolutely champion you on & (if you were my client), this is something we would actively prepare for & find ways to navigate the maternity system to stack the odds in your favour. However, birth doesn’t ALWAYS go to an exact plan & in my experience, good preparation with a degree of informed flexibility is key.

Having only one idea of how your birth is going to go could be damaging & upsetting to you if your labour does decide to go a different way or feels unpredictable. In fact, research indicates that women with traumatic birth experiences felt that the lack/loss of control as well as the interaction around interventions (rather than the medical interventions themselves) were the most important contributing factors to birth trauma (Camilleri et al. 2025).

Part of your antenatal preparation with me will always cover all types of birth, including place(s) of birth, your negotiables & absolute non-negotiables, so that there is an element of flexibility if things do change, but your birth team (chosen by you) still know your wants & needs & can advocate if & where necessary.

We also now know that one of the biggest contributing factors to a positive birth experience is how you are made to feel throughout the labour & birth process, as opposed to the birth outcome itself. So with this in mind, you can bet your bottom dollar that I will be championing you throughout your labour & birth with your ideal birth preferences at the front & centre of my mind, but if things were to shift or change, I would have prepared you for this & you will still feel at the very centre of your decision making.

2. Don’t share birth plans with the healthcare provider (HCP), midwives or obstetricians

It’s all very well having a plan or set of birth preferences, but if those aren’t in the hands of those who are clinically caring for you, you’re going to make your life much more difficult on game day. When you’re in labour, you are (or should be) out of your logical thinking brain & very much focusing inward. If you’re having to then constantly answer questions, advocate or negotiate during your labour (because your HCP doesn’t have your plans to hand or know what’s important to you), it will inevitably impact negatively on your birth experience (e.g. there may be pushback or additional pressure) & likely impact the physiological progression of your labour, too.

This is why when I work with couples antenatally, we write your birth plans/preferences together (A,B,C & c-section) & I ensure my clients are having these conversations with their healthcare teams early (even getting their notes documented digitally on Badger -uhdb.nhs.uk/badgernotes/, as well as have the physical preferences in their birth bag) so that when the time comes, it’s easier to refer the midwives/obstetricians to something concrete than be asked mid-contraction (nobody, I repeat NOBODY wants that!)

3. Birth plans that are block text and more than 2 pages 

Midwives & obstetricians are very busy people. The NHS (as we all know) is overstretched & it is very likely that if you choose to labour in hospital, your assigned midwife will probably be a stranger & you may see multiple members of staff due to shift changeovers, other emergencies, students, etc. Therefore, having a birth plan that’s succinct, clear & focused is paramount. This is helpful for all parties for the following reasons:

• It’s fast & effective – midwives/OBs can scan a document quickly & efficiently. If it’s too long, there’s block text or it’s too technical, it will likely get skimmed & key things that are important to you might get missed

• Flexibility – short preferences allow for flexibility & bullet points of your ‘negotiables’ & your ‘non-negotiables’ are very helpful e.g. who you want in the room, pain management, golden hour wishes, etc

• Clarity – it can help to alleviate difficult conversations & answer questions your HCP might have at the time, saving you from the constant barrage of quizzing when you are otherwise occupied!

4. Writing your birth plans/preferences solo

Another key mistake is mum (you) writing your birth preferences/plans on your own. This puts all the onus on you, when actually, what I want you to be focusing on during labour IS labour. That’s it. Everyone else around you should be taking care of whatever else needs doing in that moment. However, if you’re the only one that’s aware of your wants & needs, the full scope of advocacy comes down to you & let me tell you, if you’re in labour, that’s the last thing you need!

You need a solid birth team around you that knows you, understands you & what you want/need for this birth. For some of you, your birth partner could do this, but for many women, birth partners find this role pretty overwhelming (& let’s face it, they’re not an expert in birth!) and that’s where I come in as a doula. A professional female presence that gets you, knows how to hold space for you & supports your partner through it all, too.

Key take home: assemble a badass birth team that has a handle on your birth plans/preferences & is ready to advocate if necessary. Sharing your plans with others will also help to build trust & ensure your needs are met.

5. Not writing a plan at all & ‘just going with the flow’

If your birth plan is to ‘go with the flow’ and see what happens… that flow is only going one way & it’s medical. I need you to know that hospital births are geared towards intervention, so if a medicalised birth is something you’re happy with – you’re on the path to the least resistance. However, if you want a low intervention vaginal birth (which is the most common type of conversation I tend to have with mums-to-be & my clients), you will likely be swimming ‘more upstream’ if you choose to birth in the hospital.

‘Going with the flow’ & passively giving birth in a hospital setting means handing over decision-making to the hospital staff, who very rarely see pure physiological birth unfold without medical intervention.

In my opinion as an experienced doula & mum of two, you’re playing a risky card if you decide not to invest any time planning or preparing for your birth. Even if you ultimately choose the same medical interventions, making decisions from a place of understanding empowers you and prevents feelings of lost control or trauma compared to feeling like things ‘happened’ to you & your baby in the process.

Take care out there. If you’re reading this & feel like you want some help to write your birth preferences, understand your options & birth rights, please get in touch. I offer power hours, antenatal 121 courses & of course birth services (limited to my availability) to couples that want to take this seriously. Because you will only birth THIS baby once. Let’s make it memorable for all the right reasons.

Grace x

References:

Camilleri J, Nelson A. Birth trauma: characterization and thematic analysis of traumatic birth experiences revealed on social media. Contracept Reprod Med. 2025 Jul 9;10(1):40. doi: 10.1186/s40834-025-00381-4. PMID: 40635109; PMCID: PMC12239256.

Hollander MH, van Hastenberg E, van Dillen J, van Pampus MG, de Miranda E, Stramrood CAI. Preventing traumatic childbirth experiences: 2192 women’s perceptions and views. Arch Womens Ment Health. 2017 Aug;20(4):515-523. doi: 10.1007/s00737-017-0729-6. Epub 2017 May 29. PMID: 28553692; PMCID: PMC5509770.